It's your turn

Throughout my working life, I always did what I needed to do to make money and participate in the great rat race. Most of us do. While I always enjoyed the people I worked with and I genuinely cared about the company I worked so hard for, I knew that I didn’t want to work for someone my entire life and in an industry I’d only stepped foot in by chance. Or was it chance? But that’s a different conversation. Not many of us get the chance to truly do something we love to do as our profession. But every once in a while, I get to see or hear about this sparkling person, the person that ups and leaves and pursues their dream. I describe them as sparkling because when I meet or hear of them, they are so happy about what they are doing, or going to do, that they just sparkle. I can see this sparkle when they talk and in their beloved work. I was always so envious of these Sparklers and wished that I could do the same. But I was always so comfortable and fearful of…change maybe? Or going broke. Or maybe it was failing in my attempt to follow my dream. Most likely a combination of all these. So I was stuck. Watching the Sparklers sparkle while I did my daily rounds. Does this sound familiar? If it does and you’re fine with it, then fine. But if you’re not fine with it, why not do something about it. Open your eyes wide and just leap. Easier said than done, I know. Hell, why hadn’t I leaped and opened my spa business? I’ve only been talking about it for over a decade. My answer to that is that I ignored those precious windows of opportunity and I was too cozy in my spot in life for leaping. Windows of opportunity open all the time for us. Opens for us to up and leave and realize that dream, to do something good for others and to allow change to come into our lives. We then decide if we want to jump through or not. For me, I’ve been sitting for quite some time, but this year I was inspired by so many people…friends, teachers, card makers, bloggers, cake makers, gurus of all kinds and most importantly, my daughter and husband. I’ve been inspired, I’m ready for change and I no longer wanted to sit…so I leaped. I decided to leave my daughter in the care of someone else (one of the hardest things I’ve ever done) and got a job in the spa industry. I’m ready to realize my dream and immerse myself in the work. And I’m giddy every time I think about it because I can’t believe I finally leaped…all thanks to those that inspired me. Funny thing is, by me taking a leap and following my dream, I have inspired a friend to do the same. He’s going to be leaving a job a million folks would kill for to pursue his own dream. I wonder what person he’ll be inspiring.

Thanks a million to my husband, daughter, Gloria, Lydia and Jennifer for helping me become a Sparkler. Love you guys!

It's time...

I haven't been out of work for more than 3 months and I'm already itching to get back to work. I dusted off my resume this week and will be running around town next week to convince, bribe and beg for a job in an industry of which I have no experience in. I do have managerial and project management experience and I've led teams and presented to clients, so I'm hoping these qualities are enough to get my foot through the door. I really so want to be in the spa industry.

In addition to wanting to work again, it's really important that I start socializing the monster. We are together everyday, every hour and there is not really any outside interaction. We entertain ourselves all day and it's time for her to learn to be around others for a block of time.

Back to shape update - I was getting lazy because the pounds were coming off fast due to breastfeeding. My goal was 145 pounds by August 29th. Welp, that's next week and I'm 2.5 lbs away. I'm already smaller in size than I was before the pregnancy, but man am I jello! I seriously need to get some tone back, so I'll be working on that...when time allows! Sometime inbetween my new job, caring for my baby and husband and cleaning. :)

Ciao4now

Don't be a Salmon

Just when you think you have it all under control with either the sleep schedule or eating situations, the baby mixes things up. The lil monster has had trouble eating for the last month or so and it is affecting her sleep...and most importantly my sleep. Not enough sleep = bad mood Claudia. I'm 97% sure my milk supply is low because she fusses after 10 minutes of eating and she puts anything that is in sight into her mouth even right after feeding. Last clue that milk is dying is that when I pump right afterwards, I get 1/2 oz of milk at best.

At first the nights were bad because she was waking up more often than usual due to the lack of calories she consumed during the day. It's so frustrating when she wakes up 3-4 times a night knowing that she can and has slept 6-7 hours straight...multiple times. The day was just as bad because she'd cry and fuss every 3 hours (while I fed her) and it's is frustrating and heart-wrenching at the same time. Why can't I provide for my daughter?! Yes, I can supplement, but I'm really trying not to give up on breastfeeding. I want those extra 10 IQ points for her, dangit! After 3 weeks of this exhausting routine and reading up on solutions I decided to feed her every 1.5 hours or so....this way, she would get as much as she can all the whilst her continuous sucking queues my body to make more milk. She's seems happier overall even though she still fusses after 10 min of feeding and her sleeping is better. I realized that when I stop fighting it and just except how things are going to be instead of trying to make them what I need them to be, things got better.

Go with the flow.

First letter

Dear Olivia,

As I sit hear watching you while you eat, an overwhelming feeling of happiness overcomes me and a tear of absolute gratefulness rolls down my cheek. I suddenly have the urge to write you a letter in the nearly blank journal your father gave me when we learned that you were growing inside me. I want tell you how happy and blessed I feel to have you are in our lives though I’m not quite sure I can ever really describe the tingly feeling inside my heart when I just look at you…or even think of you. You are just over four and a half months old and we still can’t believe you’re here with us…that we have a beautiful, healthy baby girl. Your smiles and quirky chuckles entertain us so and we can easily stare at you all day just to get one gummy laugh from you. It melts our hearts when you do.

You have blossomed so much in just the last month. You play with your dolls and toys more. You suck your toe, which I think you do because we nibble on your feet all the time, so it must taste good, right? You roll over with ease and this scares mommy a little because you do it while you’re asleep too. Soon you’ll be crawling and eating solid foods and saying “Mama”. Say it with me “Ma-ma”. I know that even if I try to teach you to say “Mama” first, you’ll say “Dada” anyway. But that’s ok, I’ll still love you.

I don’t want the years to fly by, but I know they will and when they do, I know you’re going to grow up to be a smart and beautiful girl. Your father and I are determined to give you the very best life we can give you. The three of us have already been through so many ups and downs and there will be forever more, but we can and will get through it all…together. We will always be here for you. To listen, give, teach, share and love…Whenever you need and want it…and sometimes when you don’t think you need it at all.

My sweet Olive, thank you for blessing us and coming into our lives. Thank you for teaching us about a love we never knew…and about patience and sacrifice. Thank you for allowing me to hold you just a little longer right before I put you down to sleep. I never mind it…not even at three in the morning. Sweet dreams, Olivia. I love you.

Intervention for Twitter?

I am completely and utterly obsessed with Twitter. For those of you that have been living under a rock, Twitter is the latest social networking obsession of the world. Children, adults and businesses are twitter-crazy. Businesses especially have found Twitter to be such a wonderful and successful tool to reach people. It's insane! Newspapers, emails and television news are all now a second thought because of how quick information travels and to so many people at once with Twitter.

I spend every other minute watching my crackberry to see if the light is blinking, which indicates I a new tweet has come in. I have to hold myself back from tweeting all day. I feel a high when someone responds to or retweets my tweets. It's all crazy. But I love it. I use it to read up on what my friends are doing, which is similar to Facebook but Twitter is more of an IM style because of how fast information flows. :) I also use Twitter for education purposes. You will find experts of all sorts, including Dr. Oz and Jillian Michael's, and you can follow them to read up on their latest advice, findings, research, etc. I'm into skincare right now and it's unbelievable how much I have learned in the last months from just reading tweets. Check me out (partlycloudi) sometime and the other folks I follow. It's all day, FREE entertainment.

Catchalaters,
Claudia

New Mothers, if you never read anything ever again...

...must read this!

Naps will be your ticket to sanity. Nap start and end times are extremely important. Baby MUST nap!

Around 2 months of age, I started noticing that Olive would get cranky 90 minutes after she woke up from her naps. 3 weeks after religiously following the clock and putting her down every 90 minutes, a friend gave me a book about the N.A.P.S. program, which proved my time theory right. Bottom line in the book: note the time your baby wakes from a nap and 90 minutes later, put them down for another nap. Because of the sleeping patterns, this works. Want to know what happens when your baby doesn't go down for a nap...disaster for mommy. The baby is more cranky and it is much harder to get the baby to go to sleep if you pass that 90 minutes. What happens is that the baby will enter a new cycle of alertness.

Before I learned to read her cues and pay attention to the clock, that monster of mine would cry even though she was fed, clean and held. If those three things are checked off as done and the baby is crying like crazying...chances are that they're just tired. The baby may not act like they're tired because they may cry even more when you put them down, but give it a couple of minutes. You'll find a crazy, crying baby will be a quite, sleeping one soon enough. The key!...is to start rocking and putting the baby to sleep 10-15 minutes before the nap time. That way, you're not doing play time to nap time in 60 seconds. They need time to wind down and get ready for sleep...just like us. This same logic applies to when you're ready to put baby down to sleep for the night.

Putting a baby to sleep either for naps or bedtime can be pretty rough. Most important thing to do is be consistent, stick with it and remember that it may not be comfortable with whatever method you choose to put your little one down. It WILL pay off in the end. Good luck

Confessions and Shout-outs

I've been feeling real bad about the lack of posts I'm doing on my blog. You'd think I have more time to do so now that I'm a stay at home mom. Truth is, that little baby is keeping me tied up. I used to think that when she naps, I can clean or write, but I've surprisingly been taking naps at the same time. I've never been a napper, so it's very new...not to mention lovely! There's also all the updating I'm doing on Facebook and Twitter, so sometimes I forget to show love on here. But I'm going to try to get better about writing more. There are some reviews I'd like to post on stretchmark creams and new makeup I've recently tried. Be sure to visit every once and again...

Fashion Week in Austin kicked off last night and I had a blast. We visited a couple of places, but by far my fav was Waterstone Aesthetics on Guadalupe near campus. A lovely pair owns the place and I'd love to go back for treatments or a cut/color. Good luck and congratulations on the new baby, Waterstone!

Um....yeah...

Lo siento my amigos! I can't believe how long it's been since I've posted. A lot has gone downduring that time. I went back to work! Here's my story...

My mother-in-law watched over Olive as I went back to work...still awaiting the answer on whether or not I could work from home, work part-time from home and the other time at the office, or if I could just work part-time hours at home. They declined all three requests. I then did something they were not expecting. Something that kept me up for days just thinking about. I quit my job! I handed my letter of resignation to the boss and gave him my two week notice. Booyah AT&T! It felt liberating and I was excited to continue to be home with my lil monster. I was on a high from the excitement...but that high lasted 24 hours and then reality set in. Holy shit! I just quit my job. My family will be living off one salary...holy shit! I mean...we've been saving for this...hubby and I knew it was likely to come down to this, but to think about quitting and actually doing it is not the same. Of course, I still stand by my decision because taking care of my lil girl a little longer until she's less fragile is just priceless.

I've been jobless for a week now and I'm lovin' it. It feels good and I think Olive is happy to have me back full-time too. :)

So what's next for me...
I've always dreamt about owning a spa. I've talked about it for over a decade and I think I'm going to look into it further. Once Olive gets a little bigger I may take some courses. It's definitely a new direction...it's exciting and scary at the same time. I just hope I don't fail. I can't fail.

I won't fail!

P.S. Congratu-effin-lations to my very good friends (whom shall remain anonymous until I get their approval to write about them :)) They're pregnant, which was no easy feat to achieve, and I'm dorkishly giddy with joy every time I think of their achievement. Yup yup yup!

We Did It!

On Sunday, my sister and I completed the Danskin Triathlon. This is a HUGE feat for the both of us. My sister has just recently gotten serious about working out for her health and this triathlon is the biggest workout that she has ever done. She finished with a smile and a huge sigh of relief. I’m so proud of you, Vanessa! I knew you can do it.

As for me, this was very important for me to complete. To be able to complete a triathlon only after 3 months of giving birth is a big accomplishment for me. I signed up for this in order to force myself back into my routine of working out. It’s my hobby. It’s my own quiet time. I get to reflect, think and dream while I go for a run. No interruptions. No dialog. Just me and my thoughts and my music. Just writing this makes me want to go for a run right now, but I just had a margarita with my mother-in-law, so I best relax…that’s not to say that I’ve never drank and run before. :)

Decisions, Decisions

Today was my first day back to work. I’ve been pretty anxious for the last several days knowing what the result of my request to work from home part-time would be. The answer is “no”. The answer is also “no” to me working from home full-time. So my options are to either find a nanny to watch Olive from home…and quick! The other option is to quit. I’d love to try to make it work to see if I can even do it, but at the same time it’s hard to imagine someone else taking care of my baby while I’m at work. I’m scared they’ll undo all the work I’ve done with her nap routine or maybe Olive will think we’ve abandoned her. It also feels like work is anticipating my resignation. There’s a big move coming up in the next week and in the plans they have me sitting in a bullpen…with two contractors. :( A girl about to give birth in two weeks will even have her own cube…and she’ll be out for 3 months!…AND I’ve been at the company over 4 years more than she. So it’s crap. Knowing this fact makes me want to show them up and work full-time.

Leave my baby in the hands of someone else and return to work.
Stay at home with her, not get paid and risk having trouble finding a job later on.
I’ve got lots to think about.

Meet the Parents

So my brother and his girlfriend came to Texas to visit for several days. He flew in to Austin and hung out with us plus my dad and we did the must do’s for Austin. Trudys. Chuy’s. Barton Springs. Bone Daddy’s….Ok, so maybe Bone Daddy’s isn’t an Austin staple, but my dad and brother (and hubby) love that place. It’s like Hooters with bbq and instead of the tan tights the girls wear short ass shorts and frilly socks with mary janes. Much classier. :)

We had a blast and I gotta say that my brother’s girlfriend is a keeper. She wasn’t only super nice and knows the lyrics to every single song we heard, but she was able to keep up with the nutty family that we are. By “we”, I mean my brother, sister and dad. My mom and I are the normal ones…for the most part. :) First off, she has super patience to put up with my brother back in Tacoma. He’s a farting machine and will straight up fart in a store while he’s standing next to her, walk away and leave her with the staunch and for others to think she was the one that farted. My sister felt up her boobs the first day they met (I was a little jealous…they were purchased!). My dad pissed off the pool deck at our condo community (public space!) in broad day light and in front of the gf. I’ll admit that I picked blackheads off my dad’s back in front of her, but she seemed pretty interested as she hovered over me to watch me do it. All in all, we all had a good time. I think she enjoyed our kookiness and hospitality. She seems like a good, wholesome girl. Her dad was in the military for years and her parents are still together…AND she has fake boobs. Those are some good stats right there. :) Hopefully my brother doesn’t fart himself towards a break up because we all loved her. There was no mention of his wife (or ex-wife) so I can’t tell you if he’s still married or not. I’ll leave that for another conversation when he comes back down in July. Ta Ta for now.

Check in

I weighed in at 152 this week. Looks like I’m losing 1 lb a week and I’m very happy with the progress I’ve made so far. I also fit into my jeans again, which makes momma very happy. I know I said I wasn’t going to start shopping until I hit my goal weight of 150, but since I’m 152 and my boobs weight 2 lbs each (at least) I consider myself under 150. :) Whatever, I just want to start shopping already! My closet is fully of big shirts to hide my once there pregnant belly and clothes that are 2-3 years old…or more! I still have a shirt hanging that hubby gave me 10 years ago! In a way it’s nice that I still fit into clothes I wore 10 years ago, but I need to give it up. I don’t want to be put on “What Not To Wear” (I love that show, btw).

I’m still training for the triathlon and my sister and I are pretty scared for the hills that are to come the day of. After the triathlon is done I’ll be changing up my workout routine. Some of the fat is gone, so now I need to start toning up. I think more weight training and boxing is in order.

That’s all for now…gotta go pick up my brother from the airport. Stay tuned to see how it goes with meeting his new girlfriend and if he’ll be up for telling me when he’s going to get a divorce from the other chick.

Time flies when you're having fun

Olive is 10 weeks today! I have no idea where the time has gone and I just can’t believe how she’s growing. The little monster is now smiling. At me no less! Can you believe it?! I’m beginning to think she doesn’t hate me anymore. :) She’s smiling, cooing and even grunts back when we make grunting and growling noises at her. She’s definitely more fun these days, and the nights are usually nice with 4 hour stretches of sleep…sometimes 5!

Olive will finally get to meet her uncle. My brother is coming down to Austin this weekend, so it’s going to be another exhausting, but fun time. Hope he and his girlfriend can sleep through the crying baby. :) Having company over is when we really realize that our lives have changed. We can’t just make plans on the whim and I can’t enjoy a drink like I used to. Breaking her nap/sleeping routine is not something we like to do, but it’s hard not to when we have entertaining to do. I also have to watch my alcohol intake since I’m still breastfeeding. We have a small supply frozen as back-up, but it’s the mere fact that I would have to pump and dump that bothers me. I just don’t enjoy a drink anymore without stressing out about testing my milk for alcohol and pumping and dumping. It’s just not worth it. Breast milk is sacred to me and there are mother’s out there that would kill to provide this to their baby. Yet here I am, poisoning my milk with Mexican martinis with no salt and extra olives. So delicious! Oh, but I’ll still have one this weekend at Trudy’s. There’s lots to celebrate with Olive being 10 weeks and the arrival of my brother and his girlfriend…of which we can’t wait to meet. She seems real nice and my brother has been to Drama Town and back with his ex-wife…or is she still his wife? I dunno anymore. I stopped asking.

So before I forget, I finally uploaded some pics of Olive. It’s been a couple of weeks since I posted any of her.

Gimme 5

I weighed in at 155 today and have 5 more lbs to go to reach my short term goal, which is also my pre pregnancy weight. I didn’t lose as much as I wanted over the last two weeks due to some drinking I don’t usually do anymore. There was the wedding party weekend with two days of company and drinking and hubby also made a pitcher of amazing margaritas for Cinco de Mayo and we’ve been sipping it for several days now. No excuses. I should have been better.

Training for the triathlon has been both exciting and frustrating. I am not in the shape I used to be in and it makes me feel weak that I can’t perform like I’d like. The Tri is 3 weeks away and in the current shape I am in, I’m going to die out there. Luckily I’ll have my sister during the race to keep me going. I’m hoping to find the strength to push us both as we are not currently physically ready for what’s in store. The hills on the race route are no joke.

Side note: I’ve joined Twitter. Just as soon as I get the hang of Facebook, there’s yet another social networking group to get on.

A Week's Worth of Stuffs

I can't believe how fast last week went. Before I knew it, Friday had come and I hadn’t done laundry, I posted zero blogs and I’m still addicted to warm chocolate chip cookies and milk before bed. Here’s a recap of what went down:

• I realized Mother’s Day was less than a week away, so I decided to get Martha Stewart and make sugar hand scrubs for the mothers in the condo community I live in.
• I totally forgot to buy a Mother’s Day card for my mother and sister…though I kinda put it off on purpose because my mom is out of town for a while and my sister is coming to Austin soon and I plan on taking her to get our nails done at Embellish for Mother’s Day. Embellish is a cool little place where you get your own plush couch to sit in and they bring a large bowl of water to give you a unique pedicure experience.
• I recovered from a full weekend of company and pre-wedding festivities with the Houston friends. I almost used up a whole box of breast milk test trips to be sure not to feed my baby spiked milk.
• Olive was due for her first round of shots, but I chickened out and only gave her a 3-in-1 shot. It’s recommended I go back to get the other 3 shots at 4 months so I don’t fall too far behind. I’m a little nervous at how aggressive the shot schedule is. Autism is also a term people think of in conjunction with vaccinations, so I just want to do a little more research and take it slow. My Dr seems to be ok with this.

Olive and I visited a friend in the hospital. Get well, Amy! Oh, and to the Powers that Be, please effin give these girls a break. Seriously! Gosh!

Olive and I visited my hair stylist who saved me before the weekend by fixing an awful bang cut I got from a different hair stylist. Never again! Sorry, Heather!

Had an awesome Cinco de Mayo feast. Hubby and I cooked until our arms fell off and then toasted with some strong ass margaritas. There were even margarita leftovers!

Went to Houston with Olive for the first time. It was exhausting and Olive felt a little out of the first day, but was much better then next day.

Olive slept over 7 hours without having to wake up to eat. Way to go, Olive!

I had a wonderful first Mother’s Day with family. Hubby super surprised me with gorgeous diamond earrings I’ve been craving for the last several years. He totally had me tricked…I thought I was getting a watch….that or the piggy bank he’s been looking for. Wub A Dub!

yes! Yes!! YES!!!

In the middle of the night, the monster occasionally does not like to go right back to sleep after a feeding. She’ll wake up and start crying 10-15 minutes after I’ve returned to bed from a 20 minute shoulder-crunching feeding, gotten warm and cozy and am 2 minutes into a deep sleep. When she begins to cry, hubby will turn over and ask “Do you want me to get her?”. This is like asking me if I want an orgasm. I’m not going to say "no", buddy.

Check in

Today I weighed in at 156. I’m pleasantly surprised given that I’ve had a couple of glasses of wine throughout the week, BUT I did amp up my cardio AND I’ve been careful to monitor my meal portions. I even had fast food but kept it lite with a grilled chicken sandwich of which I didn’t eat the top bread. Also no fries and no coke!

This last week and a half I did longer and more intense cardio. I was consistent in weight training (lite weights) and I also Pilates. Pilates really surprised me. I tried Pilates once before and I thought it was too easy and I didn’t feel like it did anything for my body. I recently took 3 private Pilates classes and learned the technique and what it can do for my body. In just 3 sessions I’m more flexible, I feel longer and my post pregnancy abs feels stronger. I’m going to continue Pilates at home thanks to Exercise on Demand.

I’m 6 pounds away from reaching my short-term goal and my pre-pregnancy weight and then a shoppin' I go.

Flashing Lights

We’ve recently started using a baby monitor for Olive when we’re in a different room than she. It not only lets us hear her, but there are also lights on the device that allows us to see the intensity of the sound coming from her end in the event the sound in our room masks her monster noises. The more lights, the louder her sounds. During the night, we usually keep the monitor on my side since I’m the feeding machine who must feed the hungry monster when she awakens. I see lights. I (or hubby) run to get her. I feed. No more lights on the baby monitor since she’s now in my room being fed, right? Um, no. A couple of times I’ve had the crap scared out of me because I’m feeding the monster when all of a sudden there are flashing lights and sounds coming from the baby monitor. There is no baby in the room with the speaker. No music or TV on. Just a room with zero humans in it. Now, I’m not afraid of the dark, but when I see those flashing lights as Olive is chowing down next to me in my room, I am briefly afraid of what is in the dark in that room. What is making the monitor go off!? My heart thumps faster for a moment and I try to concentrate on the monster in my room. She is awfully adorable as she kicks her legs out while she’s eating. She’s done and I burp her and come to realize I have to go into the room, where it is dark and the flashing lights and noises are coming from. Holy hell. I’m an adult for crying out loud, but yet I’m wide-eyed and walking slowing towards the dark scared like a 10 year old girl. I hold my breath, put the monster down to sleep and swiftly walk out of there back to safety in my own, warm bed. This is ridiculous of me. I laugh to myself and start heading back to sleep and realize that I just left my baby in the dark room where the flashing lights and the noises were coming from. I hope this event is no indication of what kind of mom I’m going to be.

The Boob Goes Public

Any new mother that breastfeeds or anyone who has experienced a mother's feeding schedule will know that it is a 24/7 job. She is consumed with feeding. Consumed with keeping track of the clock for the feeding schedule. Consumed with figuring out what to do with her time until the next feeding. Everything revolves around feeding. Any planning, any event, task or errand I want to run must be run by the feeding schedule. For example, immediately after a feeding, I have 2-3 hours to do whatever I want. Shop, shower, pick at ripe pimples…whatever. This seems like plenty of time, but there’s the changing of diapers and getting her to settle down to allow me to do those things, which boils down to about 1 hour of time for me to do what I want. This usually includes brushing my teeth, washing my face, throwing away the diapers I left on the dresser over night and fixing something to eat…though she usually awakens before I can put the second bite in my mouth. Getting out of the house is a little more difficult. With all the heavy gear, driving to the destination, setting up the stroller and such, I have one hour-ish left to do what it was I wanted to do out of the house and then get back to the house to feed before she goes ballistic. So, this really leaves me with 30-ish minutes of real out of the house time depending on what part of town I have to drive to. I try to stay as close as possible.

Ok, this sounds like I’m bitching, but I’m merely telling you how it is. Truth is…I love the fact that I can provide this wonderful gift to my daughter. I feel honored and blessed to give and do this for her. There are so many benefits and I would do it again with my next child (oh boy, there I go again with the second child thing. Simmer down, Claudia). I’ve just got to find a way to have a life while breastfeeding. I think I broke that barrier this past weekend.

Sunday we spent most of our time at the house doing housework. It was a beautiful day and hubby and I were itching to get out of the house by the late afternoon. We decided to start getting ready to leave and then reality struck…She’s due to eat in the next hour and a half, which means we might as well stay until she feeds since we wanted to go to stores and get something to eat. That’s more than 1.5 hours of activity. Screw that! I was settled on leaving the house. I told myself…Self, if she gets hungry…I’ll figure something out. We can always come home when she starts screaming bloody murder. So we left and went straight to eat. Ten minutes into the dining experience, there she goes screaming. For crying out loud! We just ordered…we’re 20 minutes from home...WTF do I do? I looked in my diaper bag and after the pacifier failed, I pulled out the boob cover. I’m going to breastfeed this little monster in public. It had to be done! I never imagined how my first public feeding would be, but I never thought it would be at BJ’s Restaurant while hubby is having a beer and while everyone is already starring at us because of the monster cries. So, I whip it out, stuff her mouth and no more crying! VICTORY! Except that everybody is still staring! I mean, I remember looking at mothers feeding in public with admiration, but I don’t remember staring. Or did I stare? I mean…I guess…how could you not look or stare at the chance you’ll see a boob? Well, I kept on feeding her. Through the stares…through the uncomfortable position…and even after the food arrived. I did it! This is huge for me. It was empowering and I felt like I got a little piece of my old life back now that I can to do this public feeding thing just in case I was out doing regular people stuff.

Folks starred during the entire feeding and I didn’t even care. Kids stared, the waitress stared, and old people stared. They were all hoping to get a glimpse. But I was on top of the world and no stare could stop me now. After the monster finished eating, I put the boob back in place and ordered myself a cocktail to celebrate. Cheers to me and my boob.

Good Stuff/Bad Stuff

First, the bad stuff. The Powers that Be must be angry with me. At an early morning feeding today, as I was pulling my boob out for Olive, I noticed some redness on the right side of my lower stomach. I knew instantly what it was and I felt a lump in my throat. I ran to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Whimper. Instant tear. Stretch marks. WTF! I spent my entire pregnancy oiling up my stomach and made it through the 9 months without them. How in the hell do you get stretch marks after birth?! I'm not gaining weight or getting bigger! I’m getting smaller for crying out loud. Call me vain but this, along with having pregnancy complications, was my biggest fear (next time around hemorrhoids will be included with those fears. I can't believe I just said "next time"). This is so upsetting for me and I'm just boggled...and saddened by it. I don't know what else to say about this. Just. Sad.

Now the good stuff. After sobbing for a couple of minutes because of the red squiggly lines now featured on my stomach right next to my not so small and not so light birthmark, Olive and I spent our first rainy day by ourselves together. After her very early morning feeding, I failed at attempting to put her in the rocker so I could get 10 more minutes of sleep (hey! I need those extra minutes to muster up the courage to get up and face the day). She cried. I picked her up and brought her to bed with me (Bad Claudia). She proceeded to nestle her head under my chin and cuddle up with her stretch-mark stomached mommy. We listened to the rain and thunder and felt the flash of lightening on our faces. We listened to each other breathe our deep sleep breaths (she obviously got the loud breathing from me) and we laid there for an extra 2 hours. I had enough courage to take on the next two days. She was consoling me and I knew right then that she loved me.

Wow...Breastfeeding is awesome

I weighed in last night and to my surprise, I met my goal weight of 159.5. I don’t know how to explain it after a horrible week of eating. All I can think of is that breastfeeding must have burned some major calories. I should have eaten that cookie after all! I have 9.5 pounds left to reach my short term goal, which should be easy to achieve over the next four weeks since I’ll start training for a sprint triathlon next week. I’ll have six weeks to train so it’s not much time, but I’m excited to get back into shape.

Over the next two weeks, I’m going to attempt to eat mighty healthy. There are some friends coming into town then and they’ve rented a party boat on Lake Travis as a pre-wedding event (oh crap! I’ve got to fit into a dress by June 20th). I will in no way be in a swim suit, but I’d like to be as tone and as small as I possibly can get in two weeks time. I’m expecting to lose 4-5 pounds by then, which will put me at 155ish. My menu will hopefully include lean meats, veggies, small amount of grains and skim milk. Easier said than done. It’s kinda hard to fix a healthy meal with a baby at my boob. Wish me luck.

Dodging the Scale

What's better than weigh in details?...pics of Olive. My cutie pie monster Olive. I know I've eaten bad for the last five days, so I'm not weighing in today. I'll muster up the courage tomorrow.

This picture was taken a couple of days after birth. She was nice and milk drunk, which is how I was able to get her to lay without crying on an itchy, sheddy white rug. She's going to look at this one day and shake her head in disbelief that I took this. I just had to, Olive. BTW, your little hand by your chin was all you. Love you.

Again, milk drunk and havin a hoppy day on Easter. Sorry again, Olive.

A great friend of mine made the cutest stuffed monster for my cute monster. Here, they're napping together in the swing.

Olive is no cheap date

I now know how men feel when then pull out all the stops with the flowers, dinner, chocolates and chivalrous gestures…all this to get into a girl’s pants…all this and it’s not even guaranteed that you will get any. There is one girl I’m trying to get into bed. Actually, make that two girls. Olive and me. During the night, I feed Olive twice and I pray and hope that during those feedings, she doesn’t shit up her back and cause a scene with onesie changing and such and wake up the hubby (I hate to have to wake up hubby in the middle of the night). I also pray and hope that she eats, burps and goes right back to sleep. She usually goes down like a champ after a feeding. Not the case this last week. Here are what the last several days have been like for at least 1 of her 2 night feedings. She feeds, she burps and I put her back down to sleep. Monster noises ensue…a few grunts, maybe the hiccups and after 15 minutes of not allowing me to go back to sleep, she whines and half-ass cries. The woman needs to go back to sleep if she wants me to be sane the next day. So, I pick her up. I sway her. I rock her. I sing to her, hum, stroke her beautiful face, keep her warm against my body and let her hear the deep breaths from my chest. And then when I think she’s fallen asleep, I put her down and quietly crawl back into bed. Victory! So I think. The grunts begin just seconds after getting comfortable and my stomach knots up. I let her be. Maybe she’s just trying to get comfortable. More monster noises, more movements and there goes the whining again. I instantly feel defeated. I just spent 20 back-breaking minutes trying to put her to sleep…and that’s after the 20 minute feeding we just sat through. I pick her up and after another 20 wrist-numbing minutes swaying her in the bathroom with the vent on (she likes the noise), she’s off to La La land. I’m finally able to put her down and go back to sleep for an hour or so before I (daddy too) perform this routine again. Is this karma? Is it because I never let those guys get into my pants even though they gave me a mum the size of my now boobs for the Homecoming Dance? (Sorry Keith, but I just wasn’t that into you) If it’s karma I hope that when Olive is a mom, she too will have a baby that will not go right back to sleep after a night feeding. Daddy would like that very much.

Bad Claudia

I had Sonic for lunch and Texadelphia (cheesesteaks) for dinner yesterday...and a hamburger and fries for lunch today. I may also join my amigas for happy hour this evening, which means chips and salsa and a large, extra-strong margarita are in store for dinner. This is not going to get me back to the weight I want to be. I've got to make better decisions...starting after the margaritas :)

I weighed myself this morning and I felt like I was on the Biggest Loser for a split second. The numbers on my digital scale jumped forwards and backwards and I was relieved to see that the number landed in the 150's...and then...at the very last second, the number changed one last time. Boo! Maybe I'll reach my goal at next weigh in.

Weight today: 161.5
Goal for next week: 159.5
What I'm treating myself to when I reach 150: Buy new workout clothes, running shoes and under garments. I'll also allow myself to start looking and thinking about buying a new wardrobe.

Cry Babies - Part 2

I’m banking today will be better than yesterday. I don’t know if baby monster had a tummy ache or was bored out of her mind, but I’m glad I was the only person to hear the shrills that came out of Olive’s mouth. It just wasn’t right. Having an inconsolable baby cry all day while being home alone could cause any new mom to cry too…right? The only thing that saved me that day and night were the 20 minute feedings and the 10-15 minute drunken state following the feeding that kept Olive from crying. I’m sure it’s wrong to feed a baby every time she’s crying like crazy…but at least I waited 2 hours in between each feeding (Olive, I’m sorry if I’m setting you up for obesity here).

I now realize that writing about how my body currently looks like puff pastry that has been forked should not be the only topic I post about. There are other issues…parenting, baby, crying issues that are far more important right now for me to get off my chest. It’s not all cute, wonderful, lovely baby smells PEOPLE! Folks attempted to warm me: Get your sleep now. It’s a different world, but so wonderful. Congratulations. Yadda yadda. Why didn’t these people tell me the truth? Crying every day, all day for 2 weeks straight is not wonderful, folks. I don’t wish the tears, pain and blood that I experienced those first two weeks on anyone. Week 3-4 got somewhat better…me crying 3 times a week opposed to everyday is better. She still won’t look at me and it seems like she cries only when I hold her. Does she hate me? All the crying made me wonder if I was going through postpartum depression. I think it’s a term that’s tossed around at the sight of a crying mother...so let’s look it up. Symptoms of postpartum depression include weepiness or sadness. Check. Change in appetite. Check. Moodiness and irritability. Check and check! Withdrawal from family and friends. Check. Suicidal, scary, or constant negative thoughts. Negative on this one unless imagining Wile E Coyote dropping a boulder on my head counts. In order to be diagnosed with this condition, I should be feeling this way passed the 2 week mark, which I’m not. I definitely have my appetite back. :)

I don’t know if I’ll ever go into details about the first two weeks other than what I’ve described in previous posts. If I get comments wanting more details, I may recount. I’m in week 4 and things have gotten better, but there are days like yesterday that make me wonder what the hell I’m doing…and why. Don’t get me all wrong. I love Olivia. She means the world to me and I KNOW things will get better. I know there are folks out there that would give anything to have a baby and may be cursing me for all the bitching I’m doing here. But it’s just the truth. Not just my truth. Other mothers have counted their stories to me. I know they’ve felt the same or worse having gone through this experience. This is real stuff, People…and not the airbrushed, scripted or fake version of what people try to tell or show you. Let it out mothers! It’s ok that you can’t cook dinner, make the baby stop crying, keep from getting shit all over the place, run errands and have a sexy good time with your husband all at once. If you can, congratu-fucking-lations…now go make me a cocktail.

For those of you expecting or trying…Good luck or Congratulations! It’s a different, wonderful world, but get your sleep and just know….it’s going to suck extra hard in the beginning.

Gotta tend to the crying baby now...Just Olive this time.

Cry Babies - Part 1

There were two crying babies in the house today and the second one's name rhymes with Shaudia. It was a bad day. There have been worse, but I honestly considered going back to work early after today's episode. I don't even have the strength to go into detail at the moment as I sit hear feeding the baby monster. Perhaps tomorrow.

Cottage Cheese Sexy

I took a good look at myself in the mirror today after a shower...a real good look. It might have been too early to stare at myself in the mirror like that...to see every new bump and dimple I've gained through my pregnancy. I've got a lot of work to get my body back in shape and it's not going to be easy. I won't be able to exert myself like I usually do by working out 5-6 times for 2 hours each session and eating just enough calories I need to stay healthy and energized. Now I need to eat a good amount of calories, 1800-ish at least, to maintain a good supply of breast milk and at that rate, it's going to take much longer than I'd like to get to my initial goal weight of 145 pounds by end of August. But after looking in the mirror, I don't care how much weight I lose...I just want the bumps and dimples to go away...with the quickness!

I will definitely be happy if I reach my goal weight, but I've added two more goals for this journey. (1) Decrease bumps and dimples...dramatically. (2) Love what I got until I reach the other two goals. I've got more hips now, which makes my waist look smaller..AND breasts bigger. That doesn't sound disastrous. I’m going to rock the hell out of these curves while I still got ‘em. :)

Pounds Shmounds

Ok, technically I gained 45 lbs during pregnancy, but I'm not counting 10 of those lbs. I lost 10 lbs a month prior to getting pregnant due to a summer vacation trip that required I live in a bathing suit for 7 days. I slaved hard to lose those 10 lbs and could in no way sustain the workouts or limited caloric intake long-term and remain a happy person in order to keep those lbs off...so...they don't count. :)

I weighed 184 the day before I gave birth. A week after birth, I lost 15 lbs and another 5 lbs by two weeks most likely due to shedding of water weight and decreased appetite and calorie intake. I’m sure breastfeeding also played a part in the weight loss. I haven’t done much to get back into shape yet. The nurse did suggest I begin to do small crunches soon after birth...so I took the opportunity and did plank and ab exercises starting a week postpartum.

It’s been three weeks postpartum today and I’m down to 162. It’s been nice to have the scale decrease on a daily basis, but the cheese on my butt is making me want to kick it in high gear…pronto!

I'm a baby's momma

I'm finally back after giving birth to a healthy baby girl on March 11th. My beautiful Olivia came into the world at 7 lbs, 15 oz and 20.5 inches long. She was born with a full head of hair, which disproves the notion that a head of hair causes heartburn during pregnancy…I never had heartburn. During labor, I made it a day and a half with back and abdominal contractions at home and it was not a pretty site for my husband and mother who witnessed the every 3 minute, kickass contractions. I’d finally had enough. The hot baths, showers, Tylenol and breathing were no longer providing any relief and so I decided to go in after the contractions got closer and more painful. I needed that epidural! Seriously, what was I thinking that I could make it without pain meds?! The pain was just much more intense than I ever imagined it would be. After that, I was in labor for an easy 12 hours. Delivery was more than I had hoped for…it was easier and faster and without c-section, which I had prayed for. The recovery, however, was intense, tear-jerking pain that lasted nearly 2 weeks postpartum. This in addition to the nipple pain from breastfeeding did not make me fun to be around those first couple of weeks.

Ah, breastfeeding. This is a bittersweet subject for me. I’m so so happy I’m able to breastfeed, but OMG! PAIN! BLOOD! TEARS! Breastfeeding is much tougher than I expected it would be even after hours of classes, reading books and educating myself every which way on the subject. “Tough” is an understatement. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do…physically. 2.5 weeks in, it’s gotten better. I’m a round-the-clock feeding machine and proud of it. But I must confess…I can’t wait until I introduce a bottle. Just the thought of 5-7 hours of straight sleep gives me goose pimples and makes my eyes glaze over with joy. Sigh.

Now that hubby and I have a pretty good routine going on and can “handle” Baby Olive better, it’s time to start thinking about getting my body back. I’m excited and the fire inside me is ready to get down and dirty, quick! Unfortunately, it’s not recommended to get back into my pre-pregnancy workout routine until 6 weeks postpartum, so I’ve got to take it easy for another 3 weeks or so. More to come…

After a feeding, a diaper change and a baby crying session, I’m finally able to put this post up. :)

Counting the days...

The last several weeks have been crazy busy with hubby's bday parties, baby showers and getting the house in order. I'm headed into my 38th week and it's crazy to think that little Olivia could be here any day now.

One of the baby gifts I received from my dear co-workers is The BOB Revolution Jogger Stroller http://www.bobgear.com/strollers/stroller.php?product_id=4. This thing is the Cadillac of jogger strollers. I'm super excited since running is one of the activities I miss most from my routine. I can't wait to take it out on the trail, but I'll have to wait a couple of months or so until Olive has more control of her head/neck. I've considered putting a doll in it just so I can run with it asap. When that day comes (real baby or not), it's on! I'm so ready to meet Olive and to start my journey to getting my pre-baby body back. I'm going to miss not feeling an ounce of guilt as I enhale a box of Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies, but it will be nothing like the happy happy feeling of being able to fit back into my skinny jeans...without the muffin top. MMMM....muffin.

Dirty

Last night was spent celebrating hubby's 30th birthday. We went out to our favorite happy hour spot (of course no drinking for me) and were joined by our Austin friends. For a work night and being the old farts that we are, I was happily surprised to find that everyone showed up...and stayed out for dinner. Of course hubby was given tons of nasty shots back to back and was well on his way to passing out... quick, which he did eventually do (sorry, Babe...that's just what you do).

There were four of us left when dinner was done and after a few last shots and letting the guys finish flirting with the waitress at our first stop, we headed to another bar for another nasty shot and a third bar for the dirtiest shot of all. The guys flipped through the drink menu and came upon a shot that would accelerate the death of hubby's night. Absinthe. They it took down like a champ, with the help of my hot chocolate chaser. After the inevitable drunken deep converstations about life, we headed back to the first place for more shots and more flirting with the waitress. 10 shots and several drinks later, we made our way home, but the entertainment was not quite over for me. Trying to walk a grown ass, drunk man to the car, into the house, upstairs and into bed has been the most difficult task I've had to do as a pregnant lady...in high heels no less! It was good times and hubby loved every minute of it. So thanks to everyone who made it out and got my husband drunk. It was a successful Dirty Thirty birthday.

A Will Smith Song...no more

Ah Monday's. Monday's are the days I get babycenter.com emails for the dish on what's happening this week in my pregnancy. Hubby and I were both shocked to read that we have 42 days to go before our little Olivia arrives! That's 6 weeks before our lives change for ever...1 month and 1/2 closer until I can lie on my stomach, drink a margarita and have sushi or a caesar salad. 42 days closer until I can run until my legs and/or lungs give up on me. I miss all these things, but there is one thing I will miss the most that I will never get back once I have access to these treasures. Being just the two of us.

This is something we will never have again…the real quality time together without interruptions, without a worry or care…without anyone else on our minds but each other. I’ve married the man of my dreams and life with him, just me and him, is pretty effin awesome. This sounds pretty selfish, I know, but I’m just being honest here. I haven’t had a freak out my entire pregnancy, so I’m allowed to have this one teeny emotional tumble now. The only other (not so teeny) breakdown I had was when I thought I lost my late grandmother’s pendant. But that only lasted 5 minutes before hubby found it in my makeup brush bag, so it wasn’t that big of a breakdown. Back to the threesome anxiety…Hubby and I have always wanted a family. Sure I'm anxious about it now…don’t most folks in my situation?...but I can’t wait to meet our daughter. I want to meet her so badly right now. I’m going to miss it just being two of us (so much that I get waterworks just thinking about it), but we’re taking the next step into our relationship. We’ve mastered what’s been thrown at us thus far….and we’re ready for what’s next. A little happy (possibly crazy) family…Just the three of us…for now…

Breaking Free

I’ve been thinking about creating a blog for sometime, but I never knew what it’d be about or if I’d have the time to keep it up. That’s why I’d like to think I never started a blog anyway. The real story…I’ve always been too afraid to write. I was scared of it. Scared that I was a bad writer. Scared to have people reading my writing. Scared to have people judging it. Of course these are just stupid feelings, so it’s my fault really...but not 100%. I put partial (most) blame one person who played a key role in traumatizing me into never wanting to write again…Professor Brown. That man never gave my paper a grade higher than a C. It was heartbreaking really…I tried really effin hard on all those papers and instead of beer bonging and going to foam parties at clubs, I was working my butt off writing papers for Professor Brown’s class. Ok, so I may have not been old enough to get into the clubs, but beer bonging was an activity I could have easily participated in instead of writing papers for hours and hours and delivering them with such confidence…only to receive a freaking C. Well, I’m not going to let Professor Brown or all those stupid feelings stop me anymore. Be it good or bad writing…I’m going to write! I must warn you that it will probably be bad.

Ok, I feel better now…so what am I going to write about, you ask? Stuffs. I’m going to write about stuffs. I will be giving birth to my first child in March and The Daily Olive Juice, for me, is a place I wanted to record my progress as I get back into pre-pregnancy (or better) shape. I’ll most likely also chronicle my life as a new mother and supply lessons learned, products and methods that have helped me along the way. You’ll also get pizza reviews from me every once in a while…yes, I understand this may wreck my plan to get into shape. Other than that, I’m pretty sure I’ll be writing about other stuffs as well…so stay tuned.