Good Stuff/Bad Stuff

First, the bad stuff. The Powers that Be must be angry with me. At an early morning feeding today, as I was pulling my boob out for Olive, I noticed some redness on the right side of my lower stomach. I knew instantly what it was and I felt a lump in my throat. I ran to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Whimper. Instant tear. Stretch marks. WTF! I spent my entire pregnancy oiling up my stomach and made it through the 9 months without them. How in the hell do you get stretch marks after birth?! I'm not gaining weight or getting bigger! I’m getting smaller for crying out loud. Call me vain but this, along with having pregnancy complications, was my biggest fear (next time around hemorrhoids will be included with those fears. I can't believe I just said "next time"). This is so upsetting for me and I'm just boggled...and saddened by it. I don't know what else to say about this. Just. Sad.

Now the good stuff. After sobbing for a couple of minutes because of the red squiggly lines now featured on my stomach right next to my not so small and not so light birthmark, Olive and I spent our first rainy day by ourselves together. After her very early morning feeding, I failed at attempting to put her in the rocker so I could get 10 more minutes of sleep (hey! I need those extra minutes to muster up the courage to get up and face the day). She cried. I picked her up and brought her to bed with me (Bad Claudia). She proceeded to nestle her head under my chin and cuddle up with her stretch-mark stomached mommy. We listened to the rain and thunder and felt the flash of lightening on our faces. We listened to each other breathe our deep sleep breaths (she obviously got the loud breathing from me) and we laid there for an extra 2 hours. I had enough courage to take on the next two days. She was consoling me and I knew right then that she loved me.