Olive is no cheap date

I now know how men feel when then pull out all the stops with the flowers, dinner, chocolates and chivalrous gestures…all this to get into a girl’s pants…all this and it’s not even guaranteed that you will get any. There is one girl I’m trying to get into bed. Actually, make that two girls. Olive and me. During the night, I feed Olive twice and I pray and hope that during those feedings, she doesn’t shit up her back and cause a scene with onesie changing and such and wake up the hubby (I hate to have to wake up hubby in the middle of the night). I also pray and hope that she eats, burps and goes right back to sleep. She usually goes down like a champ after a feeding. Not the case this last week. Here are what the last several days have been like for at least 1 of her 2 night feedings. She feeds, she burps and I put her back down to sleep. Monster noises ensue…a few grunts, maybe the hiccups and after 15 minutes of not allowing me to go back to sleep, she whines and half-ass cries. The woman needs to go back to sleep if she wants me to be sane the next day. So, I pick her up. I sway her. I rock her. I sing to her, hum, stroke her beautiful face, keep her warm against my body and let her hear the deep breaths from my chest. And then when I think she’s fallen asleep, I put her down and quietly crawl back into bed. Victory! So I think. The grunts begin just seconds after getting comfortable and my stomach knots up. I let her be. Maybe she’s just trying to get comfortable. More monster noises, more movements and there goes the whining again. I instantly feel defeated. I just spent 20 back-breaking minutes trying to put her to sleep…and that’s after the 20 minute feeding we just sat through. I pick her up and after another 20 wrist-numbing minutes swaying her in the bathroom with the vent on (she likes the noise), she’s off to La La land. I’m finally able to put her down and go back to sleep for an hour or so before I (daddy too) perform this routine again. Is this karma? Is it because I never let those guys get into my pants even though they gave me a mum the size of my now boobs for the Homecoming Dance? (Sorry Keith, but I just wasn’t that into you) If it’s karma I hope that when Olive is a mom, she too will have a baby that will not go right back to sleep after a night feeding. Daddy would like that very much.