Cry Babies - Part 2

I’m banking today will be better than yesterday. I don’t know if baby monster had a tummy ache or was bored out of her mind, but I’m glad I was the only person to hear the shrills that came out of Olive’s mouth. It just wasn’t right. Having an inconsolable baby cry all day while being home alone could cause any new mom to cry too…right? The only thing that saved me that day and night were the 20 minute feedings and the 10-15 minute drunken state following the feeding that kept Olive from crying. I’m sure it’s wrong to feed a baby every time she’s crying like crazy…but at least I waited 2 hours in between each feeding (Olive, I’m sorry if I’m setting you up for obesity here).

I now realize that writing about how my body currently looks like puff pastry that has been forked should not be the only topic I post about. There are other issues…parenting, baby, crying issues that are far more important right now for me to get off my chest. It’s not all cute, wonderful, lovely baby smells PEOPLE! Folks attempted to warm me: Get your sleep now. It’s a different world, but so wonderful. Congratulations. Yadda yadda. Why didn’t these people tell me the truth? Crying every day, all day for 2 weeks straight is not wonderful, folks. I don’t wish the tears, pain and blood that I experienced those first two weeks on anyone. Week 3-4 got somewhat better…me crying 3 times a week opposed to everyday is better. She still won’t look at me and it seems like she cries only when I hold her. Does she hate me? All the crying made me wonder if I was going through postpartum depression. I think it’s a term that’s tossed around at the sight of a crying mother...so let’s look it up. Symptoms of postpartum depression include weepiness or sadness. Check. Change in appetite. Check. Moodiness and irritability. Check and check! Withdrawal from family and friends. Check. Suicidal, scary, or constant negative thoughts. Negative on this one unless imagining Wile E Coyote dropping a boulder on my head counts. In order to be diagnosed with this condition, I should be feeling this way passed the 2 week mark, which I’m not. I definitely have my appetite back. :)

I don’t know if I’ll ever go into details about the first two weeks other than what I’ve described in previous posts. If I get comments wanting more details, I may recount. I’m in week 4 and things have gotten better, but there are days like yesterday that make me wonder what the hell I’m doing…and why. Don’t get me all wrong. I love Olivia. She means the world to me and I KNOW things will get better. I know there are folks out there that would give anything to have a baby and may be cursing me for all the bitching I’m doing here. But it’s just the truth. Not just my truth. Other mothers have counted their stories to me. I know they’ve felt the same or worse having gone through this experience. This is real stuff, People…and not the airbrushed, scripted or fake version of what people try to tell or show you. Let it out mothers! It’s ok that you can’t cook dinner, make the baby stop crying, keep from getting shit all over the place, run errands and have a sexy good time with your husband all at once. If you can, congratu-fucking-lations…now go make me a cocktail.

For those of you expecting or trying…Good luck or Congratulations! It’s a different, wonderful world, but get your sleep and just know….it’s going to suck extra hard in the beginning.

Gotta tend to the crying baby now...Just Olive this time.